29. “Why Is My Child So Defiant!?”: What’s Really Going On (& Why Labeling Children Isn’t Helpful)

If you spend just a minute Googling, you’ll see hundreds of results on how to deal with a "defiant” child. By “defiant”, we typically mean a child who’s purposefully digging her heels in & outright refusing to comply. We think of this child as difficult and problematic, and most of the Google results suggest punishment as a remedy.

In this week’s episode, I offer a different perspective. I don’t believe in calling kids defiant; I think doing so puts us in a mindset where we can’t parent effectively. I share why I think this term is harmful – to our kids and to us as parents – and why labels in general aren’t helpful in parenting.

Here’s the thing: If our ultimate goal is to raise resilient kids and to parent in a way that genuinely feels good, then we need to pay attention to the language we use. We need to think & talk about our kids in a way that prioritizes connection and holds onto a sense of their inherent goodness, even in the most difficult moments.